Bluep -- Even the name doesn't mean anything

Bluep. When I first heard of this game, I was intrigued. It sounded like it had something to do with the color blue. Beyond that, I had no clue what the game would be. Would this be an action game? A game of skill? A strategic game? I downloaded to my PDA and decided to find out.

Well, the background color is blue. Believe it or not, that is the nicest thing I have to say about this boring game. You control this -- thing-- (a "Bluep") in the center of the playing field. You can move and shoot at a bunch of blob-like things that try and shoot you. The whole time, a mind-numbing electronic version of the Godfather theme is playing non-stop on a loop that is way too short. If you shoot the blobs, you get points. If they shoot you, you die. Real advanced, right?

The first problem is the controls. The game defaults to a standard "AWSD" set up. But "AWSD" is only helpful if you are left handed. If you use your right hand to play, it is not helpful at all. You can change the settings from the main menu and insert the arrow keys. Why they don't default to the arrows is beyond me. But -- get this -- every time you die it changes your settings. No one playing a game wants to spend time resetting settings each round. It takes all the fun right out of it.

So you kill the blobs. Who cares. All you get is to hear more of the music that was never meant to be played by a microchip. Trust me, if you play this game, you will not be able to get that tune out of your head. You will eat, sleep, and play with that tune going on and on.

But let me tell you how I really feel....